Joo know what time it is?

Greeting from Tinseltown. My name is Fred Turd, and I’m a movie nerd!

I have been a fan of HBO’s Sex and the City since it’s premiere in 1998, when I was a little nerdito sneaking into my parent’s basement, trying to catch a glimpse of Kim Catrall’s bare breasts. As a little nergin in Los Angeles who only knew the pleasure of my own hand, I was amazed at the glittering word of frantic New Yorkers having sex, and quickly became addicted. My mom thought the show was the “work of the devil,” so I had to sneak a peak every chance I got, but it was enough for me to know that I was watching the BEST SHOW EVER!

As I got older, I began to appreciate the show for more than its graphic depictions of sex and Kim Catrall’s breasts. I learned to understand its purpose – letting nerditos know that the world is full of hoes, and even guys like us have a chance of getting laid. Watching Sex and the City allowed me to talk to girls, and realize that 1 out of 100 of them would actually consider sleeping with me. During the show’s 6 year run, I slowly evolved from nergin to nimp and almost had sex two times! I told my mom, “I don’t care if the devil is behind it, gosh darn it mom, I love the show and it’s helping my social life.” So she took me to a psychiatrist, but at least I got to watch the rest of the series in peace.

Since the show’s premiere, Carrie Bradshaw and Co. taught a generation of women how to dress, be confident with themselves, and act as slutty as possible, so when the rumored movie finally took shape, I couldn’t be more excited! I missed Carrie and the girls dearly since they left the air in 2004. Kim Catrall’s breasts were edited out of the KTLA and TBS reruns, so the only image I had of them were my faded memories from the show’s heyday. There was so much secrecy with the movie’s plot, and Sarah Jessica Parker went on record saying that the trailer was edited to deceive, so I didn’t know what to expect. La Coacha and I were so excited to see this, we had our tickets weeks in advance and planned to make an evening of it with our friends. So after dinner, we all headed to the theater, squealing and screaming with delight. I felt like a giddy school girl, drunk with anticipation. So was the movie worth the hype? Did it measure up to the brilliance of Mean Girls and Clueless? The answer is…..

YES! This movie was everything I expected, and more! The ladies have grown up, matured, and found their rightful place in life. But, as we all know, life is not always happily ever after, and this movie explores that to the fullest. And while it’s exactly as the trailer made it out to be, it was still a wonderful ride getting to that final moment. And two and a half hours later, I wish it were longer.

So what happened since the show ended? If you haven’t seen the movie and want to be surprised, skip ahead NOW.

Carrie is still in a relationship with Big, and he finally proposes, but leaves her at the altar. Charlotte has moved on from being a closeted ho (c’mon, she would pretend to be all innocent but slept with almost as many men as Samantha), and is still married to fugly beast Harry (boy is he ever!) and is mom to a cute little third world child. Miranda is married to Steve, living in Brooklyn, and not having sex, while Samantha is hornier than ever because her boyfriend Smith works all the time (sadly, while there is plenty of sex, Kim Catrall’s breasts never cameo.)

While a lot is crammed into two and a half hours, and the men play second fiddle to the ladies, this movie really is a valentine to the millions of loyal Sex and the City fans out there. I didn’t quite know what to expect, and while the film has the predictability of many past romantic movies, this is still more intelligently written and better acted than most romantic comedies out there – Charlotte’s ‘mean’ look and one-liner to Big, and Samantha’s ‘sushi surprise’ for Smith are utterly priceless, as is the little ‘accident’ Charlotte has in Mexico. I did miss Standford’s boyfriend Marcus (not cause I’m gay or anything), and I wish Smith and Harry had some more to do in the film, but I was glad to have them there just the same. The characters get their happily ever after yet again (and Carrie finally aquires her dream closet), and I almost died in movie bliss. I really hope the much talked about sequel gets made.

So overall, I give this movie two dicks up and recommend that all fans and non-fans alike, see it immediately. This straight guy loved it and plans to see it again very soon.

So, the real drama happened AFTER the movie, when I was driving La Coacha and some friends home. We were in such heated debate about love and relationships because the movie really got us thinking, I didn’t realize I was speeding, and got pulled over. La Coacha tried to get me out of a ticket by flirting with the officers, and almost got arrested because they thought she was an illegal immigrant. Can you believe that?

More on that from Coacha. Until next time…

Oops, wrong poster. This was for my own viewing. How do I delete this?