In California the Average Divorce Rate is 75%, in Hollywood it’s 99.9%
Hollywood is a more dramatic and exciting bersion of a Telenovela that we get to wash eberdyday! Eberything is magnified times 10!!! Joo can be rish, famous, and gorgeous, pero joo will STILL not only get sheated on, pero beaten and bitten the chit out of too!!! (ehem, ehem Rihanna)
That’s why it’s amazing when joo see Sooperstar Couples trying to stay toogether!!
Since this is La Coacha’s list of coolest couples, joo won’t see TomKat, Beckhams or Brangelina. Por que? Well, joo are going to have to wait for me to break it down too joo on my next list!
Coming in at Numero Dies:
10. Will Smith y La Yada Pinkett:
If they weren’t Closeted Scientologists they would have been Numero Uno on my list.. Many wonder what is the key to their happiness? Well, The Smiths publicize that they have an “open relationchip”. Supposedly, Will and Yada ask eashother PERMISSION to hook up weed other people. That’s a good option in Hollywood since they sheat on eashother anyways! Will is Hollywood’s most bankable star and could let it get to his head, pero he says that “DIVORCE IS NEVER AN OPTION!!!”. Will and Yada say the secret is to have lots of passionate and meaningful sex. ”Will is a very interesting, unique man, and I’ll tell joo why. He makes love like a woman. He loves to touch, massage and feel.”, says Yada. After 12 jeers of marriage and 2 beautiful kids (that Will puts in all his movies), it looks like divorce won’t be an option after all and them!
9. Yim Carrey y La Yenny McCarthey
Scorpio and Capricorn, Purrrrfect. Capricorn is a workaholic, Scorpio is a sexaholic. Yimmy and Yenny bonded together in 2005.They are one of the silliest couples. A comedian and a Playboy Playmate. Go Capricorn! Carrey has been divorced twice. Cheese been divorced too. They both have kids from their failed marriages. So they are happy yust being together, they both think that marriage is yust a “piece of paper”. These two do the craziest chit together. Pero, when it’s time to be serious, there are sooo there for one another. Yenny has an autistic boy, and Yimmy always makes the boy laugh. Awww…
8. Sacha Cohen y La Isla Fischer
Can joo believe Borat/Bruno has a serious “domestic partner” in real life??? Isla is Australian, and he’s bery Yewish. La Isla loved him soo much that after several jeers of study, cheese conberted to Jewdaism and has received the approval of Baron Cohen’s Yewish parents. Her conberted Hebrew name is Ayala (איילהname Que cute!!! And they have a Baby Borat named “Olive”. Even more Que Cute!!! Sacha has balls, pero Ayala has more balls for being weed a crazy man like that! Props to her.
7. Beyonce y Yay-Z
WHAT happe-ns when joo marry a $82million ($125 million) hip-hop brand and an $80 million R&B empire? It’s the Black Bonny y Clyde!!! Forget the fact that they are the top earning couple in Hollywood and he gave her a $5 Million Lorraine Schwartz designed wedding ring.They have been together over 7 jeers, and have kept EBERYTHING hush hush. The couple generally avoids discussing their relationchip. Beyoncé has stated that she believes that not publicly discussing their relationship has helped them stay together. Jay-Zeven said in a People Magazine article, “We don’t play with our relationship with the public.” THE SECRET IS TO KEEP IT A SECRET!!
6. Javier Bardem y La Penelope Cruz
LATIN LOVERS!!!! We ALL fell in love with them after Bicky Christina Barcelona, No Que No??? He is the first Spanish actor to be nominated and win an Oscar and cheese the first Spanish actress ever to be nominated for an Oscar ! Who needs more reasons!! THEY ARE LATIN GOLD!!!
5. Yimmy Kimmel y La Sarah Silberman
Not only does this hilarious couple make yokes about F*CKING other people, they literally are F*CKED up themselves! Sarah suffers from clinical DEPRESSION and Yimmy suffers from NARCOLEPSY! And they make fun of eashother for it =) Sarah always mentions Yimmy in her standup saying things like, “ I’m Yewish, pero I wear this Saint Christopher medal sometimes; my boyfriend is Catholico – pero jew know… it was cute the way he gave it to me. He said if it doesn’t burn a hole through my skin it will protect me”. AWWWW!!! Scorpio men are so romantic!!!
4. La Oprah Winfrey y La Gale
Do joo guys REALLy believe cheese dating that Stedman guy for decades??? Oprah is so in the closet with La Gayle King. Did joo know that Oprah’s middle name is Gail too, jajajaj!! Winfrey says that reason she never had shildren was because her students at South Africa’s Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls are her daughters, lol. Plus, Oprah has homosexuality in her familia. Her brother is gay. Since 1997, when Winfrey played the therapist on an episode of the sitcom Ellen in which Ellen DeGeneres came out of the closet, Winfrey and King have been the target of rumors that they were gay. “I understand why people think we’re gay,” Winfrey says in the August 2006 issue of O magazine. “There isn’t a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women. So I get why people have to label it—how can joo be this close without it being sexual?
Um…Ok. Let’s move on to our next couple who is actually OUT of the closet!
3. El Ellen DeGeneres y La Portia DeRossi
I’m so proud of Ellen for ALWAYS sticking up for her peeps and not being achamed of it! Since 2004, DeGeneres has been in a relationchip con La Portia. After the overturn of the same-sex marriage ban in California, DeGeneres announced on a May 2008 show that she and de Rossi were engaged, and gave de Rossi a three-carat pink diamond ring! They shoved it in all homophonic people’s faces when they got married on August 16, 2008!
2. Hugh Hefner and the Three Headed Monster
A 100 JEERS OLD AND STILL SURROUNDED BY 3 TIMES THE TITS AND ASS!!
1. Barack and Michelle Obama
He graduated from Princeton, she graduated from HARVARD LAW SCHOOL! The first African American President and African American First Lady!! Their first date was to a Spike Lee movie. Like could they get cooler??? They throw hand signs and fists at eashother. He nibbles her ears in public. He always talks about how hot his wife is. During the Inaugural Ball, the first thing that came out of his mouth to the public was, “First of all, isn’t my wife good looking?”. WOWOWOOWOW!!! What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man!!!
Stay tooned for my next list, of the Top 10 UnCool Couples!!!
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